Hello peanuts !
I hope you’re all doing well and enjoying the beginning of summer. I know I am !
The beginning of summer also means the end of school year and not only that, the end of my High School years. It feels weird to speak about High School in the past tense and to tell myself that I’ll be going to University in September. Where has the time gone? I’m not going to lie, I feel relieved now that High School is over because even though I’ve had good memories throughout the years, I also had really tough ones as well. But one thing is sure, these years are probably the ones during which I’ve evolved the most and for that reason, I wouldn’t change anything about these years.
It’s crazy to think of all the things that have changed these past three years. I arrived as a really insecure girl who’s always been good at school without even trying, everything was just easy for me before then, I didn’t even know how to study. But because of all of that, my first year in High School has been really tough. I had no friends in my class, so the only thing I wanted was to fit in and to do so, I lost sight of who I really was. I was hanging out with this girl who everybody liked and I thought that if I tried to be like her, it would be the same thing for me. But it wasn’t natural for me, it wasn’t who I was and so I ended up just depending on her and really was just like her dog. It wasn’t her fault, we even remain friends today but I wasn’t in a good place back then and being friends with this person made me feel even worse because I didn’t think I could ever be as perfect as she was.
Now that I look back at this, it just feels surreal to think that I would even consider trying to be someone else than myself. Trying so hard to be something I’m not was worse than being myself because it wasn’t natural at all and people could feel it, and decide not to be my friends because who would want to be friends with someone you don’t really know? Now that I’m myself, I have so many people who I love around me and who love me back, exactly for my craziness/awkwardness and other characteristics which make me who I am, and it’s so much healthier and easier to just be myself.
My friendships also evolved because of my growing confidence and honesty. I used to lie to myself, saying that some people were my friends when really they weren’t. They were just popular, seemed mature and everything and I just thought that’s the people I want to surround myself with, I wanted to be them, but this isn’t how life works. I was nothing to them and in reality, they were nothing to be either. We were ‘friends’ because we saw each other 5 days a week and didn’t even truly know each other. I just realized as I’m typing this that I hated most of the friends I have now, exactly because they represented everything I truly am. Considering that I hated who I was, I couldn’t possibly like them either. But now that they’re in my life, I just won’t let them go. They mean so much to me and I want our friendships to last as long as possible. How crazy is it to think that I let go of people I thought I’d have in my life forever to end up with people I used to hate who now mean the world to me?
My lack of confidence was also due to the shock I had when I arrived in High School because everything was just so much harder ! As I said before, I was a Miss Know It All all my life and school was never a problem for me, it was even the only thing I felt good at. So when I arrived in High School and realized the amount of work I had to do, I just didn’t know what to do anymore. I didn’t know how to properly study and because of all the ‘trying to fit in’ stuff, revising or just paying attention in class just wasn’t working for me. But then the second they told me that they weren’t gonna let me pass into the second year of High School, I was just broken. I think this is the moment I realized how everything I did was wrong and I had to take control of my life again, stop being everything I hated in a person. I wanted to prove to everyone, including myself, that I wasn’t this person and I did as soon as my second year began. And I think even though the difference in my life was really made this year, I wouldn’t have gone this far without all these issues in my first year.
And I am so happy with the person I am today, even though every day isn’t perfect, I know who I am and most of all who I’m not. These three years really were life changing for me because they were the ones during which I built the person I am and probably grew the most in all my life. There are so many more things that changed in my life that I can’t tell you about because of how personal they are, even though they are probably the most important of all the issues I’ve had, but the only thing you need to know is that I am now a confident young woman who won’t give up who she is and what she’s been through because of how grateful she is for the life she built for herself. I just can’t wait to see what life still has to offer me !
How about you? What impact had High School (even if you still haven’t finished it, you might still feel a little difference in yourself) on your life? Tell me everything !
See you later ! ♥